


A New Day

by tjovalboy



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, Mutual Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 16:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjovalboy/pseuds/tjovalboy
Summary: When Cyrus comes out to TJ as gay, he realizes he may be, too. He struggles with accepting himself, but his friends make the process easier for him (including his crush).





	A New Day

TJ popped the last of a series of baby taters into his mouth. “So what’s up?” he mumbled, swiping the grease off his fingers.

It was Sunday, so technically a school night. He loved everything about his conversations with Cyrus-- their inside jokes, deep talks, stories-- that an invitation to hang out at the Spoon, no matter the odd hour, was like a breath of fresh air to him. They were close, and sometimes just being around him would make his heart pound inexplicably. 

Cyrus shifted in the booth seat in front of him. He hadn’t touched his own food and he seemed to be taking shaky breaths. “TJ. . .I’m gay,” he blurted. 

Now, that was unexpected. His brain froze for a minute, but Cyrus’s stare shoved him back into reality. He thought his mouth hung open a little as the wheels turned in his head.

“Cyrus, I support you completely.”

That’s what you were supposed to say, right?

Cyrus’s eyebrows furrowed for a second before he answered. “Thanks. We’ve been hanging out a little more lately, so I thought it would be good to tell you,” he said excitedly.

TJ smiled at him. “Yeah, of course,”

They weren’t the closest, but he seemed to be in good graces with his friends now, and they trusted each other enough with some of their casual issues. It really was great that he’d told him, but his stomach began to drop at another realization this brought him.

This fluttery feeling around Cyrus. . .could it be?

The possibility of being gay, or romantic relationships in general, rarely crossed his mind throughout his years of school. He’d completely forgotten it was an option until Cyrus came out to him, forcing him to rethink every inkling of a crush he’d ever had as he stared at Cyrus from across. He put his elbows on the table, thinking about his next step.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked gently after he decided on an approach.

Cyrus, still smiling, seemed happy to explain. “Go for it.”

He bit his lip, running his words over in his head to make sure he phrase them correctly. “How do you know?”

Cyrus took a long sip of his milkshake with a concentrated expression. TJ wondered about all the people and stories that ran through his head then, before he finally spoke.

“Well, it’s just like a regular crush, but exclusively with boys,” he explained simply. “No one’s going to have the same experience, but personally, my heart beats really fast if I’m around a boy I like.” 

“Do you get a weird butterfly feeling, too?”

Cyrus studied him. “Yes, actually,” he answered suspiciously. TJ waited, and his eyes began to widen in realization.

“Listen, I gotta go,” stammered TJ, fumbling around for his trash.

“Wait, what?”

He tripped over himself scooting out of the booth and making his way toward the door. What did Cyrus figure out about him? He needed time to figure this out on his own, away from people-- away from Cyrus. His heart pounded, only he’d wished it was because of a crush. 

“Wait, TJ!” he heard him call.

“Sorry, I gotta help my mom at home,” he mumbled as he pushed himself out into the night air. It was late, and the few sounds of cars out downtown were muffled. He would just let his legs carry him the way he came.

.-.

“TJ! Important question--”

The basketball player sighed, busying himself with the contents of his locker the next morning. “What is it, Nathan?”

His friend’s face split into a grin as he held his phone out on his palm for TJ to see. “Shawn Mendes: yay or nay?”

The picture was of him in some dark recording studio. 

“Dude, I don’t know,” he complained. “I don’t really wanna do this right now.”

His friend gaped at him. It wasn’t every day someone refused to comment on one of the many cute celebrity pictures he found on Instagram. It had become a morning ritual for them, after all.

“Really?” he studied his face, looking for a shift in his poker face. “No opinion whatsoever?”

TJ shifted his backpack straps, watching the other kids trot down the hallway over his shoulder. He shrugged, “Nope.”

The possibility of actually being gay scared him away from anything remotely close to a revelation to someone he didn’t want to make. Cyrus might’ve suspected something after the way he ran off, but either way, he couldn’t ask for his help. He’d just be even more of a burden to him.

“Is there something wrong?” Nathan asked through a grin.

“No.” he hissed, slamming his locker with a little more force than he needed to before recollecting himself. He quieted his tone. “Maybe I’m just too mature for your stupid picture rating thing, okay? Can’t you take a hint, I don’t want to talk.” 

TJ pushed past him and stomped to his first class, but Nathan jogged to catch up with him, his light blonde hair bouncing along with him. 

“Well, this is coming out of nowhere,” he snapped back.

“Maybe I’ve been thinking it for a while and I just haven’t said anything,” he bit the inside of his cheek, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t think there are any other straight guys out there that oogle over guy famous people like we do.”

“Oh. . .right.”

They had been best friends, almost like brothers, since the third grade. Their mothers set them up together, and they tried out for the same community leagues around Shadyside all throughout elementary school. Most of the time, their larger friend group saw them as a duo all on their own, separate from the others. 

“I mean. . .” Nathan added hesitantly with a smile like always. “. . .we didn’t care what people thought before, so why should we now?”

TJ veered to Nathan’s first stop of the day. He could never remain the tough guy around him, no matter how much of a pest he was sometimes. “You’re right, as usual,” he admitted. “I’m going through some stuff right now I don’t think I can tell you about yet, if that explains things at all.”  
He smirked and layed a punch on his forearm. “Nope, but I accept your almost-apology. You’re weird, Kippen, but at least you’re not a ditcher.” 

“Ditch you? And your mom’s cooking every other weekend? Nah, man. I’m in too deep.”

Nathan shook his head and called out a “Later!” as he retreated into the classroom, leaving TJ to himself. 

He checked his phone and saw that Cyrus hadn’t tried to reach out since last night, and he probably wouldn’t see him much today either because they usually met up in the morning. This was good, he’d convinced himself. The nosy kid wouldn’t be at his heel trying to pry into his personal realization. It’s not like he needed any help accepting his gay-ness, or whatever, anyway. He didn’t even know what it was, himself, and he didn’t need his crush to remind him of it.

Ten minutes to kill before the first bell rung. He silently cursed Nathan for going in early for math help, before dragging his feet down some random turn. It was just a typical boring day for him, counting the hours until basketball practice after school. Yes, he hadn’t stopped analyzing the Cyrus incident since he left last night, but he’d push through like a normal day nonetheless.

He briefly wondered if Buffy was here early to hang out too, preferably without Cyrus, when he bumped into her at what appeared to be her locker in the hallway he wandered down.

“Hey, TJ! What are you up to?” 

He smirked. “You know, just doing my scary bully thing and looking for my first trash can victims. How about you?”

“Hmm, well I am doing something drastically less interesting and. . .” She held up a fat textbook he’d never seen before. “. . .studying for my history test third period.”

“Fun,” TJ replied, scrunching up his face.

“The most.”

She focused on picking things out of her locker to put into her backpack, not saying anything for a moment like she was thinking about something, and TJ had a feeling he knew what it was. “So, Cyrus came out to you yesterday?” she added, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know why I’m acting like I don’t know anything about it,” she backtracked, leaning against the locker doors.“He facetimed me right after you left the Spoon, and I helped him plan the whole thing, so I already know the details.”

“Oh.”

“I know you guys aren’t talking, too, but I don’t think it’s any of business why,” she added.

“It isn’t.”

“. . .but, I just needed to make sure, in person, that it wasn’t because you’re a homophobe.”

“Oh, God no! Buffy, what the heck?” he hissed, looking quickly over his shoulder to make sure no one heard them. Now that was a jab, if he’d ever seen one. Yeah, he ran out after, but did he really deserve that level of doubt? 

“Hey, don’t blame me!” She put her hands up in defense. ”I worry about Cyrus a lot and that’s a pretty reasonable thought to have. I shouldn’t even have to justify it... even to you.”

“Okay, okay.” TJ put his stuff down and slumped back next to her, remembering that he would have to face that same struggle soon. “I worry about him, too.”

“Right? He is so easy to worry about!” 

TJ chuckled in agreement, thinking back to what she told him earlier. “So, he just tells you everything about his feelings, like, right away?”

“Surprisingly, yeah-- for the most part,” she answered. “We’re best friends, so getting advice from each other is something that happens a lot,” she said matter-of-factly,

“Impressive, nonetheless.”

She looked at him sideways for a moment before turning back around and grabbing her backpack.”Thanks. I’ll tell him you said that,” she said, with a hint of skepticism. It didn’t mean anything, though, because it’s not like she would ever know how he was feeling.

Suddenly, the first bell rung through the halls and she peered into her backpack quickly before rushing in the opposite direction. “Bye! See you at lunch then?’

“See you!” he called. 

It seemed like he had only taken two steps before the crowd of kids had all mysteriously disappeared to their destinations. Part of him couldn’t help but conclude that he couldn’t do very well without any help after all.

The rest of his day he’d spent thinking to himself for the most part. Each class dragged on, as usual, but there was a newness to school that stood out to him. For example, Gay-Straight Alliance flyers tacked to bulletin boards around him would catch his attention, but he oddly had never seen them there before despite the outdated events they listed. Also, his male classmates would try to include him in conversations about girls they dated, and while he was indifferent before, he now felt a pang in his stomach. He just wanted to leave then entirely.

TJ was discovering a new world for himself, and he wished he had someone to share all of his observations with. Now, everything seemed confusing and different, and his moping worsened as he spent most of his day by himself. He had no idea how the “coming out” thing worked, and briefly pondered about who in his life he should try to tell first. He wracked his brain thinking back to some of his old elementary school admirations that he realized, now, were probably crushes. 

At times, he pondered texting Cyrus back seeing as their paths wouldn’t cross any other way, but he’d put the phone away before he could because he knew it would just be too weird with him.

At three o’clock, his awful classes had all finally finished and he practically sprinted into the gym for basketball practice. He knew shooting hoops wouldn’t fix all of his problems, but in his experience, the game seemed to help a little. After waving to a couple other of his early teammates, he separated himself to find a ball from the racks to warm up with. They were talking about some video game he knew nothing about and didn’t seem to notice him slip away. 

Turning the ball over in his hands, he really hoped it would just magically turn his life around.

Suddenly, there was a shout from the sidelines. “34!”

TJ spun around at his jersey number, gushing at smile he knew well. 

“Cyrus!” he exclaimed, meeting him with his heart pounding.

“You seem a little surprised,” he smirked. “I’m here every other week, which you would’ve remembered if you weren’t a jock.”

“Wow, real mature Goodman,” He missed this, and he missed him. “What if I just didn’t care enough about cold water and trail mix to remember?” he jabbed back.

Cyrus grinned, and he noticed he had his utility vest on. “You know, you should really wipe that smile off your face if you’re trying to hurt my feelings. Your comeback would work a lot better,” 

TJ pressed his basketball against his hip.“I didn’t like not seeing you today.”” he blurted.

He sighed, “I didn’t either.”

“I shouldn’t have just run away like that yesterday.”

“--It’s okay, I don’t care,” he assured, grabbing TJ’s arm. “Let’s just. . .not do today again. Okay?”

He almost looked as distressed as he probably did, but he was glad they agreed on that. He picked a travel sized sunscreen out of one of his vest pockets, startling Cyrus, and turned it around in the light. “I agree completely,” he answered. He handed the tube back. “You know we’re inside right?”

Cyrus laughed, snatching it back and punching his arm lightly. “Shut up and go join your team.”

TJ stuck his tongue out at him before he turned back, letting his legs skip a couple times in the middle of his jog.

He dazzled Coach P. with his drill performance like always, but he dreaded having to sit through his teammates’ post-practice gossip as they sprawled out on the gym floor with Cyrus’s snacks littered around them. Cyrus’ had stepped out for a moment, and his ride wouldn’t arrive for another twenty minutes, so he quickly removed himself by pulling his earphones on and hoping no one in the circle they formed would prompt him to say anything. It was another day, which he guessed, now that he knew he was gay, meant another segment of torturous girl talk with the guys. 

“So you and Clarissa are dating now, or what, bro?” Michael spat. 

Nick scratched the back of his sweaty head. “Nah, we’re talking.”

“What the hell does that even mean, bro?”

“Dude, I don’t even know. I Facetimed her last night and she was like ‘So we’re talking now, right?’ and I just fuckin’ went with it.”

“Wait, she’s dating that Heath guy, no?.”

“Not anymore, bro. I hung out with him, like, last week and he straight up told me he didn’t want to be tied down after he moved to Washington Middle.”

“Tied down? He fuckin’ would say that.”

“Bro, I know.”

Another useless back-and-forth, another level up. Maybe he’d use these coins to buy a plane ticket away from this gym. 

Nathan should’ve joined basketball, not track. Why did he have to choose track?

Five levels left. He smashed the volume button up.

“You see that new girl, Alyssa?”

“Oh, I saw her. Who hasn’t?”

“I heard she’s single.”

“No, Jacob told me she was dating some seventh grader.”

“Fuck naw, bro. They’re just talking.”

They chattered away, leaving him completely be until he felt a foot nudging his hip. He yanked out his gossip cancelling devices and he twisted his body to see Cyrus standing over him holding out a hopeful hand. “TJ, did you want a ride home today? My dad’s coming soon if you wanna wait out front with me,” he offered.

He kept his eyes locked on the door, fumbling for his gear. “Absolutely!” 

According to Cyrus, his father wasn’t coming any sooner than TJ’s own ride was. They dragged their feet around the school building killing time, or maybe making up for they time they didn’t hang out together earlier. 

“Thank for that, by the way. That was ten minutes too many of the ‘Michael and Clarissa Texting Saga’,” he said in great relief.

“Next time,” Cyrus announced in his go-to movie trailer voice “We get to hear what happens after they’re talking.”

TJ snickered for a bit before Cyrus continued. “But seriously. I hate straight drama, too, so I get it.”   
“How did you know I hated it?”

Cyrus squinted. “You had this… really obvious look on your face. Like you wanted to curl up in a ball by yourself, but beat up everyone there at the same time.”

“Well, that’s oddly observant, but you’re completely right about that. I hated it.”

Cyrus kept pace with him, occasionally kicking papers left on the floor and bumping into his elbow a couple times. He let moments pass in silence like he was running thoughts over in his head, or he was waiting for TJ to say something.

Thinking back to Cyrus’s coming out, and his saving him from the straights, he probably already knew he was gay. Their voices echoed through the school alone, and TJ felt the words coming before they reached his head.

“I’m not straight,” he almost whispered, keeping his eyes locked forward. Each of their footsteps echoed. “Maybe you already know, and that’s cool, but. . .yeah, I’m not,” He shut himself up before he rambled even more. 

They made it to the exit and stepped out onto the front lawn of the school, stopping in front of each other with the breeze blowing slightly. He watched Cyrus’s hand as it landed on his shoulder. “I’m glad you told me.”

Breathe, TJ. You can breathe, now.

“Thanks for listening to me,” he told him.

“Always.”

He rubbed the back of neck, looking around in disbelief. “Soon we’ll be able to take turns saving each other from straight drama,” he joked.

Cyrus laughed, “That’s mandatory. I have so many fun anecdotes someone will finally be able to relate to. Buffy and Andi are great, but they’re a tough crowd sometimes when they aren’t really clued in.”

“I gotta hear them!” TJ gushed. 

“I’ll start with one now, but I’ll call you tonight.”

“Deal.”

Cyrus described the time he and his cousin ended up coming out to each other simultaneously, and spent most of it gripping his side in laugher. He practically had to tear himself away from him when his mom finally showed up, even though he knew he’d see Cyrus soon anyway. They would tell each other more stories like that one.   
___________________________

 

“Dude, the picture Nick Jonas posted last night was off the hook. I, like, couldn’t even believe my own eyes.”

TJ and Cyrus waited as Nathan tapped and scrolled a bit for the picture. It was a shoulders-up shot of Nick. He bore a mustard yellow, collared jacket and was gazing at some point past the camera.

“Wow,” Cyrus’s mouth hung open. He glanced Nathan, then TJ. “Verdict?”

“A very good one?” TJ agreed, baffled.

Nathan lead the way to his first class. It was a pretty barren morning in the Jefferson halls once again and the boys had all decided to meet up before class.

“How are you so good at finding good pictures like that?” 

“I call them ‘Good Research Skills’,” Nathan smirked. “...and I have an older sister in high school who follows a bunch of guys like that on Instagram. They come up on my ‘Recommended’ feed.”

“Ah.”

“He’s been obsessed with them since last summer,” TJ gestured at Cyrus. “He even sends me these video edits people do with pop songs playing in the background.”

“Hey!” Nathan smacked his arm. “Editing is an art. Ever seen any Oscar-winning movie before? Yeah, I thought so,” he argued.

“I never said it wasn’t an art!” TJ defended. “All I’m saying is . . . you’re obsessed.”

Nathan looked to the ceiling. “I’m a middle schooler with lots of free time! Let me live, TJ.” 

“Uh, that isn’t my job,” he joked, elbowing him in the side. 

He frowned at Cyrus in annoyance as the three of them stopped in front of his classroom door. 

“Dude, you suck, but I kinda don’t care enough, so, video games later?”

TJ huffed a laugh. “Yep. See ya.” He coughed the word “obsessed” one last time, earning him a last glare before he and Cyrus were left alone.

“Well, he seems cool,” Cyrus chirped.

“He is,” replied TJ, leading the way to an empty bench to wait for the bell. “We’ve been friends since, like, the third grade. I had just moved to Shady and he took me into his friend group.”

“And is he--“

“--Gay?” TJ finished the question for him. ”He hasn’t told me anything, so I’m not gonna assume.” Cyrus nodded as they made their way to an empty bench where the sun hit. “I’ve been meaning to tell him about me though, I just have no idea how,” he confided.

“Is there anything different about telling him than me?”

“I’ve known him a lot longer,” he replied simply. He had been thinking about this ever since he had come out to Cyrus. With him, it didn’t feel like there was much history on the line, and not to mention he came out to him less than twenty four hours before. 

“Oh, right.” 

The usual yells and giggles echoed from around the corner. Seventh and eighth graders shoved each other aimlessly and flipped their ponytails around at their friends’ faces. None of Cyrus’s friends seemed to be around, or mind that he was with TJ instead this morning.

“I. . .can help you if you want,” he suggested nonchalantly 

TJ scrunched his face at him.“Are you sure?” 

“Absolutely!” he seemed to forget about his calm and gripped TJ’s shoulder excitedly. “I mean, you obviously don’t have to if you aren’t ready, but I have so many ideas for how to prepare you for it.”

TJ looked away when he felt a warmth come across his cheeks. Cyrus? Giving him coming out lessons? The whole idea was like something he’d seen in a movie. He couldn’t be too obvious about his desire for as much alone time as possible with him, but wow, he was grateful.

“Thanks, Underdog,” he tried to say casually, however, the nickname felt oddly unfamiliar to him, now. It was like a different language he hadn’t spoken in months

Cyrus bit his lip, and TJ swore he saw a smirk curl up. “So, my house after school?” 

They heard a screeching ring, and they watched as the 7:55 A.M. rush of kids scrambled around chatting loudly and knowing exactly where they needed to go.

TJ got up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll be there for as long as you need,” he heard himself say.

“See you then, not-so-scary-basketball-guy.”

.-.

He had only been at Cyrus’s house once before. It was about a month ago, and they spent the whole time relaxing in the basement so he didn’t get to see much else.

Today, Leslie led him to the backyard where Cyrus was apparently waiting for him. When there concrete patio directly against the door ended, a well-tended grass field spread vastly. Flowers and young trees sprout along the edges. In a furthest corner, Cyrus waved at him from one half of a swinging bench.

He made his way toward him, cautiously as to not destroy the greenery too much with his heavy sneakers. “I didn’t know you and your family were literal garden nymphs,” he called.

Cyrus scrunched up his face. “You read way too many of those weird fantasy books. I swear no one’s gonna know what those are except for you.”

“Well, the world does pretty much revolves around me so…”

He snorted a laugh, scooting to widen the space. “I thought you’d like it better out here, since you are an athlete after all.”

He pushed aside the faulty logic to admire the beauty a little more. With a full view of the meadow, Cyrus’s initial choice of seating suddenly seemed second rate.

“Let’s sit down there.”

Without thinking, he grabbed Cyrus by the wrist and pulled him down onto a soft-looking spot on the foliage. They positioned themselves in front of each other with their legs crossed kindergarten style.

While TJ waited for Cyrus to do something else adorable, his stomach began to knot. He pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of his pants pocket and scanned it, painfully reminding TJ amidst his excitement that he would have to come out of the closet in front of someone else. Yes, it was practice, but painfully real nonetheless.

“So,” Cyrus had folded his notes back neatly. “Let’s just start with some role playing to see where you’re at,” he instructed.

TJ already felt embarrassed. “Do I have to?” he whined.

Cyrus rolled his eyes.“There’s no pressure, just give it a shot,” he encouraged before scrunching up his own hair and flattening his style. “Pretend I’m Nathan and just come out to me.”

TJ chuckled at his goofiness, but shut himself up when Cyrus’s face didn’t shift. He took a moment to run some words through his head before rambling. “Hi, Nathan. Boys are cool, right? Because I think they’re really, really cool. They’re so cool, I just wanna punch them and throw them in trash cans and stuff-- because they’re cool.”

Oh, God. He needed help.

“You’re fine,” assured Cyrus while he panicked. “Let’s start smaller.”

TJ watched as he pulled his notes again and ran through items down the page, his eyes eventually stopping. “How about,” he started, not looking up. “Just practice saying the phrase ‘I’m gay,’ or ‘I like boys as more than friends,’ or ‘I have a crush on insert male name here.’”

He took a few shaky breaths to compose himself, mentally slapping himself in the face in determination.

“Boys are chill. I like them,” he blurted.

“Be more specific,” prodded Cyrus.

“Fine. I lack straightness.”

Cyrus squinted at him and chewed on the edge of his pen. “I’m not saying that doesn’t technically work, but it just seems like you’re trying to avoid saying you’re gay.”

This was the first TJ had heard this about him, but he wasn’t wrong. The word didn’t feel natural coming out of his mouth. “So, what?” he argued back. “Maybe it freaks me out a little.” 

This was a new admission, but Cyrus only grinned and gave his a pat on the side. “I have an idea.”

He stood up off the grass and pulled TJ up with him. They swiped the grass off their jeans and wiggled around after sitting cross-legged for long.

“In drama class, sometimes they have us make up our own characters and improvise a conversation with someone else, and it almost always ends up being weird and funny,” his face lit up. “What if we tried doing that here to help you get more comfortable saying it? It’ll boost your confidence.”

TJ shrank back. “I don’t know about that.” 

Suddenly, like a switch Cyrus jumped into a bouncing fighting stance, staring TJ dead in the eyes. “Guess it is a lot, pardner, but I don’t care because I’m gay. . . and all of Oregon is gonna git it if they got a problem with it,” he spit out in the goofiest Southern drawl he’d ever heard. 

All the wind left TJ’s lungs as he cracked up, bringing Cyrus close to breaking character and joining him.

He tightened his lips. “Okay now you have to try it.”

After a few more gasps, TJ picked a British character. “H-hey, all I’m saying is that your library books are due today and you have to return them. I’ll fight you, but I’ll have you know I’ve taken down all of the Eastern side of Europe with all of my gay fighting power.”

“TJ, that’s amazing.”

“TJ?” Wow, and he thought Cyrus was bad at accents. He put a hand on his hip and gave him a dumbfounded look. “I am Librarian-man Humphrey from all the way across the pond and if you, Cowboy-boy, want to win the crown of the gays and prove you are stronger you have to tackle me down first.”

He ran opposite from Cyrus at about half his full speed. As he neared the edge of the fence, he looked over his shoulder quickly and saw that he was chasing after him, so he continued to run. He could hear Cyrus’s shoes pounding the ground behind him and the familiar sound of his laughter. He laughed with him, and they both yelled threats occasionally in their terrible accents not wanting this to end. 

As the hours passed, they worked with more accents, wacky characters, and aimless running until the sun began to set. Amongst the dream with Cyrus, TJ heard himself say he was gay stronger and stronger, and he almost felt like it wasn’t much of a burden on him, after all.

After they ran dry of energy, they relaxed back on the swinging bench and sipped cool waters that Leslie had brought them. They both slouched heavily on the soft cushion, and Cyrus lay a leg on TJ’s lap. 

“So, was this coming out workshop a success?” Cyrus asked while they were both reflecting on the afternoon. 

TJ brought his glass up to Cyrus’s, “More than a success. I’m ready to tell him tonight.”

The swing rocked softly, “That’s great!” He put his feet back down on the ground and looked straight ahead. “So, I guess any more of these would just be.. .unnecessary?”

TJ stared at him, not sure whether he wanted to grab him by the shoulder and shake the idea out of him or just sit closer. He chose the second. “No, I don’t think so.”

He expected Cyrus not to press further, and he didn’t. He just matched his stare and gave him a small smile.

“A couple hours ago-- you know, before we lost our minds-- you told me that saying you were gay freaked you out.” He put his glass down and turned so their knees were touching. “You never talk about what you’re afraid of.”

TJ leaned back and stretched his legs. “I don’t know where that came from either,” he chuckled. “You’re a really easy person to talk to, and given my current circumstances, there’s a whole lot that I probably should talk about. My scary basketball exterior apparently decided to slip up.”

“I like that,” he dragged his feet on the ground along with the swing. “I’ve found that exteriors need to slip up in order for us to feel better about things,” he said.

“And how about you?” He rocked with him. “Training me to be more confident in being gay, knowing how to pull people out of the perils of straight drama, all the people you’re out to; I know you’re afraid of a lot of out there, but it kind of seems like you get this whole ‘coming to terms with yourself’ stuff pretty well.”

“TJ, are you kidding?” he scoffed. “Of course not, and it probably never will.” 

This came out of nowhere. The fear, the worry, and the new opinions he’d formed of himself over the last couple of days made it seem like everyone was braver than him, especially Cyrus who he already thought was braver than most people. Once again, he was wrong.

Cyrus stopped the rocking and gripped the edge of his seat, locking eyes with the ground. “Doing a somersaults and climbing trees and skateboarding might send a couple shivers up my spine but the thought of telling my parents, and the thought of having to tell a world of people who may or may not hate everything about me after I do, even if it’s for no good reason, scares me more than anything.”

TJ lay his hand on his shoulder, and he continued. “And yeah, Andi and Buffy might know everything about who I come out to, but they’ll never really get it. And I may be able to give you some half decent tips about being more confident in yourself, but that doesn’t say anything about where I am.”

He stayed silent for a long time, and TJ checked to see if he was crying, but he wasn’t. He just sat there gripping the edge of his seat on either side of him like something was going to swoop by and shove him off at any second while TJ had his hand softly on his shoulder. He decided to sit closer, so their legs were lined up with each other, and wrap an arm around his shoulder.

“I understand completely,” said TJ quietly. Cyrus shifted his eyes’ lock on the floor to TJ’s eyes, and he could see that he was hurting. “But part of me also thinks that Cowboy Gay from Oregon would disagree.”

Cyrus broke and laughed softly, easing his tension. “Sorry for unloading all that on you all of a sudden. Probably just a therapists’ son thing.”

“Hey, don’t apologize for venting with a friend. You told me that, remember?”

He tapped his arm lightly with the back of his hand. “I do remember, and I’m glad that you do.”

TJ felt himself blush at the complement. After all of that, all he wanted to do was grab his hand, but he knew he couldn’t. 

When Cyrus told TJ about how he felt around someone he liked, he put all the pieces together and realized that he liked Cyrus, and that he only wanted to date boys. Cyrus was cute, and smart about the world, and hilarious, but now he was the friend that trusted TJ over all of his other friends. He was afraid just like TJ, and worried about the little things just like him and this made him see Cyrus as less of just a crush and more like one the first people in his life he could call a best friend.

“Listen, yesterday I did a lot of moping after finding out on Sunday. I didn’t know I had anyone here for me, but I really should’ve just talked to you,” he admitted, sitting back. “Now, this whole thing doesn’t seem so sad anymore, and I think I’m starting to get myself a little more.”

“Who knew scary-basketball-guy had a sentimental side, too?”

Cyrus used that nickname as a joke after they’d gotten closer. He laughed at the sound of it like it was automatic.

“Shut up,” he teased back.

It took a moment to register, but the back of his hand warmed at the contact with Cyrus palm. He had it laying beside him on his side of the bench, and Cyrus just rested his hand on it and kept it frozen. They stayed tense, but neither of them pulled away. 

After what seemed like hours, Cyrus pulled his hand back and folded it with his other on his lap evidently ignoring his last motion.

“I think everyone is scared,“ he said, not pulling his eyes away from the orange sky. “It doesn’t matter if I think you’re intimidating, or you think I’m brave. Everyone is just terrified.”

The warmth of Cyrus’s palm lingered on TJ’s. “I couldn’t agree more.”

.-.

“He’s probably thinking about what he’s going yell at me right now.”

“You’re really the most negative person I’ve ever met,” groaned Buffy.

Cyrus hopped away from Buffy for a moment to make way for pedestrian coming the opposite way. “Hey, he’s early, he’s thinking, and I know he definitely has ol’ sweaty hand Cyrus on the brain right now. What else could be more gruesome?”

She giggled, noting the thrift shop window they just passed by. “I can think of a lot of things scarier than your palm, Cyrus.”

“Besides the point.”

In a few blocks, they’d be at the Spoon where TJ asked Cyrus to meet and “talk.” He hated that. Why couldn’t he just tell him what he needed to say right away? It would have saved him a lot of time to think about all the other bad things in his life instead.

A few days had passed since they had their coming out lesson. They weren’t avoiding each other, but talking to each other didn’t feel the same. TJ called him right after he came out to Nathan.

“I did it!” he squealed into the phone.

“I’m proud of you!”

“I even said it all directly and confident the way you showed me, and he was totally cool with it! He even invited me to go camping with his family this weekend-- a little unrelated, but basically he was cool with it.”

Cyrus grinned to himself. “That really is great, TJ. I hope you have more successful coming outs to. . .come?”

He chuckled through the static. “Thanks, Underdog,” he said sincerely. “And, uh, there was something else I wanted to tell you about.”

“What is it?”

He heard what sounded like a muffled gulp, but maybe it was just his imagination. “You’re really nice.”

“Thank you?”

“Yeah.” More silence. “So, bye.”

“Bye.”

Despite the way it seemed to Buffy, Cyrus knew that if TJ was mad at him, it wouldn’t have just been because of the hand. It would’ve been about all the feelings he dumped on him suddenly, and the pulling him out of his comfort zone even when he didn’t want to be, and his weird theater games.

He didn’t even want to take drama in the first place! TJ was the one who suggested it, and this was one that did the most. He shook with fear every time he had to do a scene on stage, but he did admittedly improve as the semester went on.

Cyrus sighed out loud. Why couldn’t he just have one opinion of him? He was like a crush he really wanted to be mad at, but couldn’t be because he was just that person to him.

“You good?” she looked at him quizzically in response to his groan.

“I haven’t been good in years.”

Why did he have to hold his hand like that? Just because a boy talks about his sad feelings and makes you all emotional, doesn’t mean he wants his hand awkwardly attacked by yours.

“Listen, Cyrus,” Buffy surprised him by taking his arm and pulling him off the sidewalk, sitting him down on a bench between two buildings. Her eyes were wide like she wanted to shake him. “I know whatever you two talk about isn’t any of my business, but obviously he doesn’t hate you for grabbing his hand three days ago.

“I know bu--”

She sighed loudly, pursing her lips before explaining. “He talked to me that day after you came out to him.” she started. “He looked so sad, and he kept talking about you, and how great it was that you had friends you could turn to whenever you came out.”

Cyrus perked his head up and Buffy rubbed his back. “Oh.”

“I think he appreciates your friendship more than you think.”

Cyrus chuckled, nudging her arm. ”That’s why you made me help out with his team that day instead of yours like I was supposed to?”

Buffy loved everything about his snack bags, so he knew something was up with the sudden change in scheduling.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “It was frustrating seeing you two so down without each other..”

When Cyrus came out to TJ, he didn’t know whether he’d be accepted. He never mentioned anything about the LGBT community before so his stance could’ve been anything, and the only reason he did was because Buffy and Andi had talked him into it. They said that his crush wasn’t going to go anywhere if he was too afraid to come out to him, and even now that he was out, he still believed it ot be true.

However, his heart dropped when TJ asked him about what crushes felt like. He turned beet usual confidence was gone, and when he jolted out, he had his suspicions as to why.

Cyrus called and texted him, but his lack of response made it seem like he didn’t want to talk. Coming out was difficult and personal, he knew, and he didn’t want to force him to talk about it before he was ready. His friends always told him he was bad at that, and so, despite him wanting to comfort him, he left him alone. 

“Maybe I should’ve reached out to him,” he admitted.

“I don’t know about that, but my point is that you both obviously trust each other a lot. You told him everything about you when he came over, and according to you, he’s comfortable enough doing the same.”

She was right. They knew too much about each other.

“So you’re saying that’s why he isn’t mad?”

She put her arm around his shoulder. “I’m saying that with you, he’s not the type of person who would yell because of something as tiny as that.”

He hoped TJ didn’t notice how much he was grinning when he agreed he’d come over. He wanted to tell him that he probably didn’t need lessons anyway, and he could’ve just practiced in a mirror or something, but this seemed like so much more fun. He had just began opening up to him more, and they had being gay in common, and all he wanted to do was find some more time to relate to him. 

“You’re right,” he said definitely, causing Buffy to smile wide. “I just need to march right into the Spoon ready to fight-- or with a similar energy.”

She laughed, nudging him. “Let’s go, you’re late.”

.-.

After he thanked Buffy for walking him over, he entered the diner and caught TJ at a booth alone.

“Cyrus!” He was at a booth by himself. He was eager and excited.

He crossed to room to him and slid in across from him, remembering the last time they were at The Spoon together when he had come out to him. It seemed like ages ago. “You’re in a better mood than I thought you would be,” he thought out loud. 

TJ chuckled, “You thought me and my hoard of fantasy creatures would be waiting here to spit on you or something?”

“Something like that.”

It really wasn’t too far off.

“No,” TJ pushed his milkshake aside and crumpled his napkin tightly. He seemed fidgety, looking to the ceiling for a moment. “Actually, I wanted to come out to you. For real this time.”

He shot him a confused look. “The last time wasn’t real?” 

“Well, it was. . .technically,” he explained. “But it wasn’t as...proper...as it could’ve been. It wasn’t the way you showed me.”

There didn’t seem to be very many people in the diner with them. The sun shone through the full window against their booth and TJ looked peaceful across from him.

“Cyrus Goodman,” he said in his goofy British accent, which made him chuckle. Had he seen him the weeks following his return from London that summer? “I am not an English librarian, but I am eighth grader and I am gay,” he said with no hesitation, still in his accent. “I am most certainly sure of it. I found out almost a week ago in this booth-- with you.” 

Then, he held his palm out in front of Cyrus, “. . .because of you.”

Cyrus’s heart dropped and he stared at the waiting hand in front of him. After a few moments he lay his palm on top of it his and felt TJ clasp it.

“TJ. . .”

He breathed a laugh into his words, “I like you, Cyrus, and when you came out to me and I asked you what it felt like to have a crush, I had this image of you in my head. Well, you were physically in front of me, too but you were also in my head.”

He couldn’t believe it! His crush wasn’t unrequited after all.

Checking to see that TJ was actually holding his hand non-awkwardly, he gripped it back. “I like you, too,” he said giddily. “. . .and for some reason, I was so sure you didn’t like me back.”

TJ breathed a laugh. “The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

They both sat there, shyly holding onto each other with their smiling to themselves, before TJ’s face shifted. 

“Listen,” he continued. “This whole time, I wallowed and thought I wouldn’t have anyone to help me or to talk to about my crushes. When I did, it happened to be my crush, himself. You’re the only one I can scream about being gay with while we run around a meadow and I love that,” he smiled to himself and Cyrus nodded, quickly agreeing. “I wasn’t going to tell you at all, but the whole facing your fears thing we talked about kind of made me really want to do it.”

Cyrus grinned back at him, still in shock. Maybe there was something to drama class after all.

“Even though I like you, and you like me,” Cyrus started. “And we’ll probably end up dating pretty soon, can you promise me that, if-slash-when we break up, we can still talk to each other about anything?” He waited for TJ’s face to shift, but it didn’t. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive the rest of middle school without someone who actually gets how annoying straight drama is. .”

TJ chuckled sheepishly. “Of course. When we aren’t supporting each others’ coming out, we have to band together to fight the establishment and banish heteronormativity and the whole idea of coming out for good.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow. “Someone’s been doing some reading while he’s been moping around.”

He shrugged. “Like I said. I’m trying.”

Cyrus could feel his hand start to get a little sweaty, but no part of him cared then. All he could think about was him and TJ, and what the next few weeks would bring for them.

“So, our first date?” TJ proposed. “Name a time and place.”

Cyrus knew. “Backyard picnic. Your house.”

“My backyard is really small, though. It’s, like, not even a backyard. It’s just a side yard with a patio and a grill.”

“I think it’ll work.”

“You sure?”

“Only if you are.” 

“Okay, then,” TJ squeezed his hand one more time. “I say we do it.”


End file.
